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i've been feeling down all day today and it's hard to pinpoint why. i know that a part of it is because i am not near my beloved right now and won't be for a lot of weeks still. another part of it probably stems from last night. i gave her the courtesy of walking out of the bar and away from my friends to talk to her. when it came to her being with her friends when i called her a little while later, i didn't even get her full attention. i sat on the phone listening to her pick out songs from a juke box with one of her friends. i don't want it to seem like i don't want her hanging out with them, it makes her happy and i want her to be happy. but i do think i should get her full attention when i call. after all, we're 2300 miles apart from one another. plus, she didn't even say, "i love you" while around her friends when i said it before ending the call. all i got was a, "you too" and that was that. it's so frustrating that i can't be there with her. she's also been catching a lot of flak about moving away from them, but she says that most of them have an alterior motive for keeping her there. do i have any other motives for bringing her here? maybe that's what's wrong with me today. i've been questioning myself and my reasons for bringing her here. i want to be sure that it's purely for both of us, so that we'll both be happy. we've both been waiting for this to happen for so long and now that it's so close to happening it almost feels as though it's may not happen. i don't like to think that way because it's too negative and i know what negative thinking gets me: negative results. i know we'll see each other again soon, it's just difficult to cope with having been with her for those three days and having to wait for more for so long. no second thoughts, she is the one, the only one i ever want to be with. i told her i would marry her when she was out here and i meant it.